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<title>before we go ; can we be in love once more? by Chaol</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27583579">before we go ; can we be in love once more?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaol/pseuds/Chaol'>Chaol</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Breakup, Character Death, College Student Rey (Star Wars), Dating, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, F/M, Modern AU, Modern Reylo AU, Reylo - Freeform, death at the end, reylo au, this will get like no hits but it was a warmup</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:29:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27583579</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaol/pseuds/Chaol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>rey and ben struggle to find the words to say goodbye ; until they agree that its a goodbye for now.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Goodbye took two hours. Ben’s late for his flight back home. Rey returns to an empty apartment. The plant they had is dead, she waters it anyway. Because if that isn’t an allegory for love, then what is?</p>
</blockquote>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>before we go ; can we be in love once more?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Warm breaths make air smoke and curl around them, noses turn red from the wind. Rey tells herself this isn’t the end, that it’s just the cold air making her eyes water. But hands clasp tightly, his breathing hitches as he holds back his own tears. This was the inescapable end. Breakups were supposed to be ugly, they were supposed to be loud, and angry, and come with shouted words and bitter feelings. So why is theirs ending when all that hangs between them is a threadbare love that hangs by a tattering thread?</p>
<p>“Is this it then?” Rey’s voice wavers, a sharp inhale as their gold hands intwine. </p>
<p>“This is it --” Goodbyes were supposed to be easy after breakups, Ben doesn’t think he’s ever done anything this difficult.</p>
<p>The easy answer is the drug use, Ben’s relapsed. Rey thought she had been ready, she thought she’d be prepared. But this was her second time trying to get him clean, this was her third time watching him torture himself with guilt and addiction. And when you love someone their pain becomes yours, and it wears on a person. Rey made excuses, Ben had gotten hooked on the pills when he’d been kidnapped at seventeen by a radical far right group, prominent senators kid had been an easy target. It had been in their best interest to subdue the hulking seventeen year old, when the FBI had gotten him out just before he turned eighteen? He barely weighed half what he had before. They’d sent him to rehab then. And for a while that had worked. </p>
<p>Hands still twine together, her smaller one in his. They’ve chosen this place for a reason, it had a thousand different ways to leave. Exits surround them. Yet in their heart of hearts, they’re not ready to exit. The play goes on a few scenes more.</p>
<p>“My parents are going to miss you for Thanksgiving.”</p>
<p><br/>“I’m going to miss your dad’s yams -- those little marshmallows are great..” Rey can’t help but wipe away the tears she’s trying to pretend aren’t there.</p>
<p>“Is that all we were to you? Yams and tiny marshmallows?” Ben teases, a catch in his voice as he pulls her to him, arms going around her shoulders. Lips pressing to the top of her head in one last kiss.</p>
<p>Rey burrows against his chest, her arms around his waist. “You were everything Ben --” the tears can’t be hidden this time as she draws back to meet his dark gaze.</p>
<p>A sharp breath, “That’s why this has to be it --.”</p>
<p>College had been a long line of treatment centers, makeup classes for credits, and then three whole years free of relapses. That was when he’d met Rey, they shared some classes - and she worked at the local mechanic shop -- her rent went up and he’d offered her the spare room in his apartment. There’d been no discussion of his past then, she’d asked though - when she saw him following routines he’d learned to cope with his past. Then he’d relapsed, it hadn’t been a full spiral - and she’d gotten him through it. Ben had known then, he couldn’t put her through it again. He’d seen the weight she lost, the little sleep she got worrying on his behalf, he saw her fear when he’d leave the house, the anxiety when he’d get held up in traffic and finally make it home.</p>
<p>Ben’s finger hooks under her chin to lift her gaze to meet his, “It has to be goodbye. You -- deserve better.”</p>
<p>Rey wants to argue, she wants to fight him on this - to be the one to get him through this again. Lips part to reply -- but he leans down and brushes his lips to hers. Silencing her as her arms go around his neck, his arms around her waist as he bends to let the kiss linger.</p>
<p>It finally breaks - their breath still curling around them in smoky tendrils. </p>
<p>“It’s good bye. For now. I don’t give up on you Ben Solo. For now --.” Rey is steadfast, her voice steady as she squares herself up, dropping off tiptoes to stand on her own two feet.</p>
<p>A slow nod from Ben, “For now. I’m not going to be strong enough to stay away forever until you send me away Rey --” </p>
<p>Tears trailing down rosey cheeks as Rey wipes at them, “Then I won’t send you away. Just for now. Go to treatment, stay - until you feel strong enough, go to your parents, then come to me.”</p>
<p>Goodbye took two hours. Ben’s late for his flight back home. Rey returns to an empty apartment. The plant they had is dead, she waters it anyway. Because if that isn’t an allegory for love, then what is?</p>
<p>Two weeks later Leia Organa calls, Rey misses the call. When she listens to the voicemail, she throws the dead plant out the window and collapses to her knees in tears. Ben Solo died due to complications from an overdose. Leia called because in Ben's things was a note, it asked Leia to tell Rey for him one last time - that goodbyes weren't forever, just for now. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is my first attempt at reylo fic - i did it as a warmup ( that ended up being all i wrote tonight oops ). i hope you like it! if you do feel free to leave kudos / comments and let me know what you think!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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